Inuyasha Vs Old Age
by Happy Lil' Tidbit
Summary: Inuyasha and company are still hunting down Naraku, but what's worse is that this has been going on for so long, that now almost everybody is old! What will happen? Will they ever be able to destroy him? It's anybody's guess! I added TWO MORE CHAPTERS!
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hello, everybody! I hope you enjoy this. It actually started out as something that my sister and her friend played at recess. I thought it was a freakin' riot and it inspired me and with permission I was able to take it and run with it and bring you this story. Any flames that I receive will be used by my sister, her friend and me to roast marshmallows and hot dogs.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. If I did, this is probably how it was gonna turn out.

Prologue

After so many years of fighting Naraku, a new foe has emerged and for once captured everyone, not just Kagome. It's called old age.

Yes, old age. It caused much havoc for the Inuyasha crew, Koga, Sesshomaru, Kagura and even Naraku himself. Rin, Kohaku, Kanna, Shippo and Hakudoshi, however, did not get hit with old age, but puberty and became teenagers that wanted nothing more than to escape the old guys.

Koga is living in the home where Ginta and Hakaku dropped him off, because they thought they could live without him. Unfortunately, they were wrong and died ten minutes later.

Sesshomaru is also living there and makes Rin do everything since Jaken died.

And Inuyasha and friends are still trucking along, trying to find Naraku, who can now barely remember his own name.


	2. Koga and The Home

Disclaimer: As I have said before, I do not own Inuyasha.

Chapter 1

'I must find Kagome and get her to marry me!" sixty-year-old Koga exclaimed, "Right after I take my medication."

He slowly walked downstairs to the pill counter. (We wouldn't want him to fall and break every bone in his body now, would we?)

"Ah, Mr. Koga," the nurse said, "Here you go. All five hundred pills. Should I tell John to close up late tonight?"

"No need for that. I'll swallow them fast," Koga replied, taking the ten cups filled with pills, five in each hand.

"I would advise against it, Mr. Koga. Do you remember what happened last time? And tonight's karaoke night."

"Dammit, woman! I'm a grown man, I can make my own decisions! Just keep the paramedics close by this time!"

"Whatever you say, Mr. Koga," the nurse sighed. She picked up the phone and dialed a number. "Frank? Lenny? Could you come down here for a minute? The old fart's gonna try it again."

"Again?! Alright, Betty, we'll be right there," Lenny said, "Don't let him choke to death until we get there."

"Can do. See you then, guys. Bye." She hung up the phone. "Why are you in such a rush, anyway, Mr. Koga?"

"I have to get my love Kagome, whom I've been chasing for the last forty-odd years," Koga explained, "Well, here goes nothing."

He dipped his head back and dumped all ten cups of pills into his mouth. He then swallowed the entire contents.

"Ha! See?! I'm fi-Ah! Help! I'm choking on five hundred pills!"

He then fell onto the floor in a serious coughing fit, just as the paramedics arrived.

"Looks like we arrived just in time," Frank said, "Alright, everybody, stand back."

After ten minutes of the heimlich maneuver, Koga could finally breathe normally again.

"You saw nothing," Koga growled, "Now, off to find my true love Kagome!"

"Have fun, Mr. Koga," the nurse said.

Koga ran through the doors in a flash, but shortly, a loud scream was heard throughout Japan.

"Arthritis!" Koga cried, "Damn jewel shards! I thought the meds for that were with the rest of the pills!"

"I am sorry to inform you, Mr. Koga, but your prescription for your arthritis has been discontinued."

"What?! Why?!" Koga demanded as he was dragging himself into the room.

"It was processed by hippies. So. . . you know."

"Oh, hell, no!" Koga cried, "But it does explain why I've been seeing weird colours and shapes."

"Would you care to join the karaoke party, Mr. Koga?"

"Hell, yeah!" Koga replied, "Guns 'N' Roses, here I come!"

Koga then walked into the lounge singing random verses of "Sweet Child of Mine".


	3. Sesshomaru and his Beloved Cookies

**A/N: Hello, people! Sorry that it took me so long to add more chapters. It's been hectic around here. Thank you, Traitor Tatara for your nice review. Have a nice e-marshmallow**. **Don't worry, it's not cooked. Well, this is the chapter that started it all. I died when I saw this played out. I added a bit more to it, though. Sesshomaru fan-girls, please don't hunt me down and kill me for this.**

Disclaimer: Still don't own Inuyasha, people.

Chapter 2

Sesshomaru rang the little bell next to his bed.

"Rin! Rin! Come here! It's urgent!" Sesshomaru cried frantically.

Rin sighed. _Oh, god. Here we go again,_she thought miserably. She walked in, arms crossed, in full maid attire. "What is it, Lord Sesshomaru?" she asked. "If you see a light, go for it."

"Rin, even though you're young, I need you to get something for me," Sesshomaru said in a serious voice.

"What do you need _this_ time? And if it's a sponge bath, _forget it_!"

"No, it's not that," Sesshomaru said. "I need you . . . "

"Yes?"

"To get me . . . "

"Yes?"

"The wonderful things known as . . . "

"YES?!"

"Cookies." Sesshomaru finished.

Rin's jaw dropped. "Cookies? You called me in here for _cookies_?!"

"Yes! Cookies! The most delicious, wonderful circles of dough the world has ever known!" Sesshomaru cried.

"But the doctor said that you shouldn't have sugar," Rin protested.

"To hell with the doctor! He's human! He knows nothing of demon health! Go get me cookies! This Sesshomaru wants cookies!"

"Fine!" Rin yelled. "I'll get some cookies for you. I wish that Master Jaken was still alive. He lived through the _other_ sixty-three heart attacks."

"Thank you, Rin," Sesshomaru said, as Rin stormed off to get Sesshomaru's wonderful cookies.

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"Here are your cookies, Lord Sesshomaru," Rin said, handing Sesshomaru a box of cookies.

"I need more cookies," Sesshomaru stated flatly.

"But I just got you some!" Rin cried.

"This Sesshomaru needs more cookies!" Sesshomaru declared.

"Fine! I'll get you some more cookies!" Rin said.

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Rin hauled two sacks as big as herself onto Sesshomaru's bed.

"These are all the cookies in Feudal Japan," Rin panted. "Can I go out with Shippo, now?"

"But there will be more!" Sesshomaru pointed out.

"Actually, the only cookies in Feudal Japan are Keebler cookies and they are now discontinued," Rin explained.

"Why are they discontinuing my beloved Keebler cookies?!" Sesshomaru asked.

"Well . . . hippies made them. Enough said."

"So what? I'm the great Lord Sesshomaru! I am immune to the hippies' secret ingredients!"

He took a handful of cookies out of one sack.

"Put this in your tree and bake it!" Sesshomaru mocked. He shoved the cookies into his mouth and chewed.

"See? Nothing hap-" Sesshomaru began, but he fell back against his pillow.

"Lord Sesshomaru?" Rin asked. No answer.

"Aw, no! He's dead! Hey, wait a minute . . . he's dead! Woo-hoo! Shippo, here I come!"

She looked down at herself. "But not in this!"

She ran back into her room and changed into her traditional orange kimono. "Much better," she said. Then she ran out of the home, laughing into the night.

**A/N: Yeah, I added the Keebler cookies part along with the hippies' "secret ingredient". I don't own them either. However, that wasn't what killed Sesshomaru off. It was the sugar in the cookies. Go figure, eh? And please, don't kill me Sesshomaru fan-girls. **_**I want to live!**_


	4. Inuyasha and Crew

Disclaimer: I own Inuyasha! Wait, no I don't.

Chapter 3

"Are we there yet, Grandpa?" Shippo asked.

"Shaddap! We'll get there when we get there!" Inuyasha snapped. "Back in my day, kids respected their elders!"

"Oh, what do you know? When you were a kid you were Feudal Japan's hell raiser!" Kagome exclaimed.

"Quiet, woman! I'm scolding!" Inuyasha yelled, waving his walker at her.

"Don't you wave that thing at me!" Kagome snapped. "Sit, boy!"

"Ahh! My back!" Inuyasha cried. "And people wonder why I need the walker!"

"Hah hah!" Shippo laughed.

"Ohh! If I was younger, you wouldn't say that!"

"Did you hear something, Kirara?" Sango asked as she petted her cat. "You know Mommy's hearing isn't so good anymore."

Kirara purred happily .

"Eee-hee! Are you Mommy's little girl? Yes, you are!"

"Oh, no!" Miroku panicked. "My wind tunnel!"

"Oh, no!" everybody cried.

"Oh, wait. It's just my pace maker. What a relief!" He smiled and then fainted onto the grass.

"Not again!" Inuyasha moaned.

"We've got to get him to a doctor!" Kagome said. "Kirara! Help us out here!"

"Oh, no!" Inuyasha stated. "We are finding and destroying Naraku and that's all there is to it!"

"Look, Inuyasha!" Kagome shouted. "We've been chasing down Naraku since we were teens! We've spent all our youth obsessed with this guy! So obsessed, we've never gone out, got married, had kids-"

"And we sure as hell ain't adopting Shippo," Inuyasha cut in.

"You've ruined my love life!" Kagome cried. "I knew I should've went with Koga!"

"Um, guys? The pervy monk?" Shippo reminded them.

"Oh, sorry Miroku," Kagome apologized to the monk, still out cold on the grass. She dragged him off the ground and onto Kirara's transformed back.

"That's a good girl, helping out Daddy," Sango said.

"I think there's a small village not to far away," Shippo announced.

"What makes you say that?" Kagome asked.

Shippo pointed to a sign.

Small Village

10 minutes by foot

"If you're goiiiiiiing to Saaaaaaaan Fraaaaaaaancisco," Miroku sang in his sleep.

"Shut the hell up!" Inuyasha snapped.

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"Is he going to be okay?" Kagome asked.

"Yes, he's going to be fine," the doctor assured them.

"What song is he singing now?" Inuyasha asked.

"Yeah, I've got five bucks riding on 'Tipperary'," Shippo chimed in.

"Actually, it's 'Jingle Bells'," the doctor replied.

"Cough up that five bucks, ya whippersnapper!" Inuyasha demanded.

"Yeah, yeah. Here you go," Shippo mumbled.

**A/N: Yeah, well that's all I'm putting up for now. Wait 'till you see what I'm doing to Naraku! Evil laugh**


	5. Naraku's Group and Kagura's Knitting

**A/N: Hello, everybodiieee!! Please forgive me for the long wait. I started up other stories, so this one kind of slipped. They took Inuyasha off of YTV, so my inspiration is kind of diminishing, but I heard that they were making more episodes, so I hope that's true. (Sighs) They'll be fighting Naraku off 'till the end of time.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

Chapter 4

"What do you think of this one?" Kagura asked, holding up a fuzzy pink sweater with four sleeves.

Kanna looked up. Another sweater for the saimyosho?" she asked.

"Well, I wanted to make a hat, too, but I'm running out of pink yarn."

_Old people are weird_, Kanna thought as she turned back to her teen magazine. "Why don't you ask Kohaku to get you some more?"

"Oh, Kohaku!" Kagura called.

Footsteps could be heard as Kohaku walked in wearing a blue hat with a white pompom with matching mittens, a red sweater, a green jacket, and a yellow scarf, all over his regular clothes. He was also wearing black socks.

"I'm hot," Kohaku complained.

"Stop complaining, and put on these purple leg warmers I just made for you," Kagura ordered, handing him the leg warmers.

Kohaku sighed and pulled the leg warmers on.

"Kohaku, could you please be a dear, and get me some more pink yarn?" Kagura asked.

"Sure," Kohaku replied. Actually, he'd rather go to the North Pole. He was already dressed for it.

He walked outside and almost passed out due to the heat. He was about to take his hat and mittens off when he heard a voice from the cave.

"You take that hat off, and I'll take your head off!" Kagura shouted.

Kohaku changed his mind and lowered his hands.

"Have fun, sweetie!"

So, cursing the heat and Kagura's knitting skills, Kohaku set off.

Just then, Naraku stuck his head in through a makeshift doorway. "Hey, Kagura? Have you seen my dentures?"

"No, but I made a pot holder!" Kagura answered, waving a purple square in the air. "And a new hat!"

"Oh, I love hats!" Naraku exclaimed ever so joyously. "And mustard! The year was 13-something, and everybody was playing a game called cow-tipping . . ."

"I'm back!" a drenched in sweat, tired Kohaku said, almost collapsing to the ground.

"Did you get the yarn?" Kagura asked.

Kohaku raised his hand to show that he had gotten a ball of red yarn.

"Um, Kohaku? It's nice that you went to get me some yarn, but I need pink yarn."

Kohaku's eyes widened, and he groaned in annoyance. "Back in a minute."

"Hey, Kagura! I'm bored! Where'd you put my instruments of torture?" Hakudoshi called as he walked into the room.

"It's too beautiful a day to reap havoc and destruction!" Kagura said. "Why don't you do something constructive?"

"But - " Hakudoshi began.

"Don't forget your hat!" Kagura reminded him.

Hakudoshi's eyes widened. "No! Not the hat! Anything but the hat!"

"Wear your stinkin' hat!" Kagura yelled, putting Hakudoshi in a headlock and forced a pink hat with bunny ears on his head.

"Kagura!" Hakudoshi whined.

"What's wrong? I thought girls your age liked pink hats," Kagura asked defensively.

"Kagura, I told you before, I'm not a girl, I'm a boy," Hakudoshi stated, as Kanna hid a smile behind her magazine.

"Oh, don't be ashamed, dear!" Kagura replied, throwing her arms around him in a hug. "You have wonderful feminine features!"

Kanna fell over laughing. "Yeah, Hakudoshi! You're beautiful just the way you are!"

"You shut up!" he snapped.

"Wait, who's Hakudoshi?" Naraku asked, apparently so senile, he couldn't even remember his own flesh and blood.

Hakudoshi took advantage of this situation. "I'm the, um, Maytag guy?"

"Oh, then sorry for the trouble! You can leave now!"Naraku said.

"But you're a girl!" Kagura said.

"For the last, freakin' time, I'm a boy!" Hakudoshi shouted.

"Somebody's got PMS," Kanna announced.

"SHADDUP!!" Hakudoshi screamed. He then walked out of the cave without another word, right past the returning Kohaku.

"Okay . . . "

"So did you get my yarn, Kohaku?" Kagura asked.

Kohaku clicked his tongue. "Is it just me, or did the hippies seem to make everything in this country?"

**A/N: And that's my much needed Chapter 4! Please review! And I again apologize for the long wait. Since the end of summer to now is WAY TOO LONG of a wait! DX!!**


	6. Koga's Sudden Appearance

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.

**A/N: Yes, I am back (even though I said that inspiration for this was coming to a close --'. It might have been my adoring fans). And even more remarkable yet, this is my second fanfiction so far that came to a chapter 5! I'm not that happy about how I wrote "The Social Experiment" though, so I'll probably be cursing myself as I rewrite some of it and then chapter 5 will come out. Lee's out of character along with some other stuff. I'm also debating whether to turn it into a musical strangely enough -headdesk-. Maybe I'll just listen to songs that match the chapter for inspiration . . . Anyway, I hope you enjoy chapter 5 of Inuyasha Vs Old Age!** **And just for the record, go Adam Souoi (pronounced Seewee)!**

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"Hey, Inuyasha, did you hear something?" Kagome asked.

"Just my empty stomach," Inuyasha replied. "When's dinner?"

"My vote's for dog meat," Shippo stated.

"Look, you . . ." Inuyasha growled, "viciously" waving his fist in Shippo's direction.

"There it is again!" Kagome cried.

"I hear it, too," Shippo agreed. "It sounds like an old wolf demon draggin' two heavy, over-stuffed bags of medication behind him, mumbling something about arthritis. Hey, check out those bushes!"

They all turned to the rustling bushes behind them in alarm.

"If you're a Girl Guide, we don't want any of your cookies! We all know what happened to Sesshomaru!" Inuyasha shouted, waving his walker around. "And we don't need any help crossing the street, gosh darn it!"

"I ain't no Girl Guide, you barking old fart!" said a voice from the bushes.

"Hey, that voice sounds familiar . . ." Miroku stated. "Mom, is that you?"

"I'm telling you that it's Koga!" Shippo shouted out in frustration.

Koga jumped out of the bushes (and then fell down again in pain, thanks to his arthritis). "Damn straight!"

"So what brings you here, Koga?" Kagome asked.

Koga looked angry as he remembered what had happened during the fateful Karoeke Night.

"_Boo! Get off the stage!"_

"_But I haven't even gotten to the chorus yet!" Koga protested._

"_We've heard enough!" somebody said as an old boot came flying at Koga's head._

"_Yeah! Pelt him with stuff!" another person cheered._

"_Stop it! You all wouldn't know real talent if it came up and swiped your prune juice!" Koga shouted as he was hit with multiple food items, a couple of garbage cans and Old Man Jenkin's wheelchair._

"Hey, Koga, snap out of it!" Shippo said as he snapped his fingers in front of his face.

"It's all your fault!" Koga exploded, pointing an accusing finger in Shippo's face. "You and your generation of cookie cutter music idols! It's gotten to my generation and now, nobody would recognize real talent if it came up and bit them in the face!"

"For the record, if Simon let that guy singing "We're Brothers Forever" in, he would have won hands down," Shippo muttered in defence.

"Sorry to hear that, Koga," Kagome said. "So why are you here?"

"First off," Koga began as he took hold of Kagome's hands, "Kagome, will you marry me?"

Kagome looked over at Inuyasha. "That wouldn't have been so hard for _you _to do!"

"Whatever."

"How come you like the mutt more than you like me?" Koga asked.

"Hey!"

"What's the second reason? Shippo asked. Even though he'd love to see Koga and Inuyasha beat the crap out of eachother, he was also hungry, and he wanted to eat before next July.

"As you might have guessed, I figure that I'm too good to live at the home, so I decided to go with you guys," Koga explained.

"What's this about turtles?" Sango asked from nowhere.

"Forget it!" Inuyasha yelled, almost falling off of his walker. "We don't need any medicated old geezer slowin' us down!"

"You're using a walker! How is _that _supposed to make us go faster?!"

"Don't use the word 'us'!"

Shippo realizing that he was going to see a fight after all, decided to make himself comfortable. He climbed up a nearby tree and sat down on a branch to get a good view.

It really didn't start out exiting, but it really started to get amusing when Inuyasha used Iron Reaver Soul Stealer and it hit one of Koga's bags of medication and Lithium and Xanax went flying everywhere. Koga was not impressed with that at all, so he yanked Inuyasha's walker out from underneath him and held it up so high that he couldn't reach it, so Inuyasha landed on his face. Then Kagome started screaming, "Sit! Sit! Sit!"

Shippo was laughing so hard that he didn't notice the albino teenager behind him. That is, until said albino hit him over the head with a random stick. After some cursing, Shippo looked behind him.

"What're you doin' here, Hakudoshi?" he asked.

"The old farts in my neck of the woods are driving me nuts," Hakudoshi explained. "Do you want to get the girls with me and take off?"

"Hell, yeah!" Shippo shouted. "However, I will miss tormenting the old timers . . ."

"We can get food on the way there."

"What are we waiting for?!" Shippo cried as he jumped out of the tree, running in the opposite direction of Inuyasha and company. He stopped suddenly. "Hey, Hakudoshi? Has anybody told you that you are the prettiest girl in the whole wide world?"

"I'm gonna kill you!" Hakudoshi screamed (not like a girl), and he chased after the laughing Shippo with murderous rage all through Feudal Japan.

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**A/N: And that's chapter 5! And for no point whatsoever, if you're reading this, I have an inverted mushroom cut now, and 50 cents went to the child cancer people!** **Yay! I also have glasses so I can see what I'm typing easier. More yay! **


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